Ah, home readers. Those small books of questionable literary merit that come home each week for you to hear your child read and improve their literacy. I know they are of good value, but they are tedious. But this week we had a chuckle at a non-PC little book called Mum’s Diet.
“I’m too fat,” said Mum.
“No, you’re not,” we said.
“You’re only saying that,” said Mum. “Look at me! I’m far too fat and I’m going on a diet.”
We all moaned and groaned. When Mum when on a diet, we went on a diet too.
On the first day of Mum’s diet they all eat lettuce and tomatoes. On the second day they eat parsley and carrots. (What sort of diet is this?)
We said to Mum, “You have carrots and parsley and we’ll have spaghetti.”
“No,” cried Mum. “I’m not sitting here watching you two gobble down spaghetti.”
“You could close your eyes” we said.
The next day they go to Dad’s house and try to raid his fridge.
“Don’t tell me,” said Dad. “Your mother’s on another diet.”
Mum weighs herself every morning, and cries that she is still fat.
But then one day the kids come home to a fantastic smell: spaghetti and doughnuts! Mum has given up on the diet.
Or maybe it’s not politically incorrect. They have ticked other boxes of inclusivity: a dark skinned family and a single mother. Maybe the book is indeed educational, about the importance of self acceptance and the dangers of yo-yo dieting. It finishes like this:
We hugged Mum.
“You’re a cuddly mother. We like you just as you are.”
“I think I like me too,” laughed Mum, and she had another doughnut.
Or maybe it’s time to cull this book from the collection.